you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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