I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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