Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
