On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
