I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
