omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
