My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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