my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
