What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
