he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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