Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
