Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
