You work out of a Hotel?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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