If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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