I think my fart just growled at me.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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