You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize