I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize