If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
