I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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