If i come over, it means nothing
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
