Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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