You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize