really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize