Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
