WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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