then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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