There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
