oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
