I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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