Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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