Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
