Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
