The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i barfeds in our rink
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
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