fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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