My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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