Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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