I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
