Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
