what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize