thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
