i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
