Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
