I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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