His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
