and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
