And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
