I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize