Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
