i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
