The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
