Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
