Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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