I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
