I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize