i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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