dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
