dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
