I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
