it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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