"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
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