I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
