Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
