Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
