I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
