Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
