i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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