Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
