I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
