i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
