Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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