she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
