My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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