I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
