My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize