i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
thus making me awesome and them whores
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
