Hey man sorry I got all grabby
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
