Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
