There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
This couple is walking their pig around campus
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
