I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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