so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
