Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
