U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
