I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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