The brown eye won't let me do that either.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize