So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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