Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
