He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
