Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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