ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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